Wednesday, July 28, 2010

World Famous Quotations

· "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"- Abraham Lincoln

· "It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."- Abraham Lincoln

· "Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless."- Sinclair Lewis

· "The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for dinner and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator."- Bill Lawrence

· "The modern pantheist not only sees the god in everything, he takes photographs of it."- D.H. Lawrence

· "An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured."- Konrad Adenauer

· "Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure ignorance?"- Holbrook Jackson

· "When women go wrong, men go right after them."- Mae West

· "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson

· "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often." - Oliver Herford

· "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy." - George Carlin

· "Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?" - James Thurber

· "I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." - Henry Youngman

· I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ``Get the hell off my property.'' - Joan Rivers

· "There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant

· "Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong." - Oscar Wilde

· "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Globol

· "Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas!" - Ben Jonson

· "When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half." - Gracie Allen

· "A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done." - Fred Allen

· "What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet." - Woody Allen

· "Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again." - Franklin P. Jones

· "Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed." - Albert Einstein

· "In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language." - Mark Twain

· "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?" - George Carlin

· I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

· Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

· "It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." - Woody Allen

· When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, “Look ... twins!” - Rodney Dangerfield

· From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. - Groucho Marx

· "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks

· "I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them." - Joan Rivers

· "I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back." - Henry Youngman

· "I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield

· "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." - Rodney Dangerfield

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